Cross posted from

I don’t know why I need so many blogs. But I do!!!!! Here’s the big medicinal story from 2013. I just want to remember these things.

My thoughts wander to that night of my “episode” and if I think about it too hard, I cry. I cry because I remember coming out of it and seeing J standing over me and talking on the phone. I remember his words. He was begging me not to move and he explained to me what had happened. I tried talking and I remember being so confused by what he was saying. I had a what? I couldn’t believe it. I remember how concerned he was and the look in his eyes. He told me the paramedics were on their way and that I couldn’t move until they got there. I was so scared. I just sat/laid there afraid to move. I didn’t quite understand what had happened to me yet. He was answering questions on the phone. Lots of yes and no’s. Yes, I was awake now? Yes I was breathing? No, I didn’t know what had happened? I can’t quite remember all the answers he was giving. He got off the phone. He told me they were on their way (he had to say it several times). He said he had to put the dog away, turn the outside lights on and unlock the front door and that he would be quick. He begged me not to move, to just stay how I was and he’d be right back. He ran through the house, doing everything and when he was done putting the dog away, they got there I think? It was quick. I was so afraid to move. I didn’t even move my hands. I just looked around the room trying to figure out what happened, what was going on. The paramedics knocked and he let them in and led them to me. I think 3 came in immediately and then a few more showed up. There was a woman and 2 men at first. Then I think it was 2, maybe 3 more men showed up. It seemed like once one was inside, everyone else just was walking into the house. J was there by my side. The paramedics were asking me questions and some of them I couldn’t answer. My mind was messed up. I couldn’t quite remember all my prescriptions or what the strengths and doses were. J had to go and get the bottles. I do remember saying that the only thing I had taken that night was tramadol and that yes, yes, yes I had a prescription for it. I remember explaining a few times that I do take an anti seizure medicine but that I do not take it for that purpose. I take it to help me sleep and that I hadn’t taken it that night. J had to answer a lot of questions for me. They tested my blood sugar there and said it was fine. So unlikely it was related to low blood sugar, diabetes. My heart rate was too fast and they recommended I go to the hospital. They told me it was my choice, that I didn’t have to go. I said yes, I want to go. I said this was really scary and that I wanted to know why it happened. I walked through the house to the front entry where the stretcher was. Everyone had to help me. I needed help getting on the stretcher too. And they wheeled me out of the house and down the driveway and into the back of the ambulance. I didn’t care that I was wearing short shorts and a giant t shirt that made it seem like I wasn’t wearing shorts. I didn’t care that I was bra less. Normally, I would be very concerned about these things.

I got an IV put in me on the way to the hospital. I was there for a total of 7 hours. They didn’t find anything wrong.

So now I am going through more “tests” to see if anything shows up.

I started this whole story to say I love J and how he handled it and how he was concerned yet tried to stay calm for my sake. I love that he checks on me now and goes to bed when I go to bed. We used to just go to bed at random times. We didn’t always even sleep in the same room. Now? He has to be near me. I don’t like being alone. If he’s home, I almost always leave the tv room door open. In the first 48 hours or so after it happened, I just wanted to SLEEP and I did. We slept in the bed. We were in the living room and slept on two different couches. Maybe I did most of the sleeping in other rooms though. I was drolling a lot then too in my sleep. At one point he woke me up while I was sleeping on the couch in the living room cause he wanted to make sure I was breathing. We were in his tv room and I wanted to sleep some more. He sat there and I laid on the couch and slept for about 2 hours. I don’t know how I was even able to sleep on the couches with the tv going.

My right shoulder still fucking hurts. A lot. Some of the pain has improved but the pain that is in the shoulder blade/back area is getting worse? And every time I move my arm it hurts. Things that aren’t even putting a lot of pressure on it causes pain. Opening a car door with my right hand causes pain in my shoulder. J is sleeping on my right side and for me to reach over send touch him causes pain in my right shoulder. It’s so frustrated cause it’s not the bone. I had X-rays and they were fine. If the shoulder pain doesn’t improve, I would probably need an MRI of it. Sigh.

2012 was an awesome year. I got engaged and went to Alaska.

2013 though? Might be my worst year ever. My purse was stolen from my car in the driveway. The person stole a bottle of tramadol too (but now who cares about that one). My passport was in there. I really liked my wallet. I now have a new purse and wallet so it’s okay (sort of). I had to renew my license anyways that month so I guess that was okay? Though my new picture is horrible looking. My head is tilted.

I’ve been to the doctor several times. I think this was the year I had to go and try to get my ears cleaned. I went while my ears were clogged and I had a bump in my nose. She gave me oral antibiotics and an ointment for my nose and said they couldn’t clean my ears at IMA. So a few weeks later when I was finished with the antibiotics and the bump cleared up, I went somewhere else and had my ears cleaned. Oh it was this year, I remember I told them to charge it to my HRA account. I had $500 that was free from Walgreens. I think I got my teeth cleaned in May or April and she would have done X-rays for that (but it could have been last year too though).

I had to go to the doctors twice for my Brazilian pepper rash. Cause yeah I’m allergic. I had to get two packs of cortisteroids, a cortisteroid shot and more oral antibiotics. This time for my arm because it looked like I scratched it so hard I caused my arm to get infected.

I got new glasses in the spring time too. That was good, cause most of it was free through my insurance. I tried to get them to have the rest paid by my HRA but they didn’t understand.

I had blood work done. I saw a new primary care position. I saw my rheumatologist a few times. I had to go back to the IMA clinic because of my back. It was so sore that I could barely doing anything. Got pills and I improved. Went back to rheumatologist and was like heeeeey. He said jhe could give me a
corticosteroid injection. So he did. And more of the pills the other lady gave me.

And now here we are.

I am going to cross post the last part of this (well the big long medical stuff).

Good night. I am sleepy. But I want to sleep like 12 hours but I have to be at work at 9. And J forgot my doughnuts today. I wonder if he forgot or just didn’t want to stop. But it was his idea!!! Lol. I didn’t saw anything.

Okay, falling asleep here!!! Good night or good morning.

****and good night for real bc my meds are kicking in and I am making too mistakes. ****

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