Long day.

This has been a long day. I went to work from 830-4. And then came home and showered quickly then we drove to dinner at the beach. My wings were really good. I shouldn’t have ordered any fries though. And it’s only 11pm now. The day isn’t over yet. OMG. I’m in bed so it’s not like it won’t end soon. Lol. I didn’t do a whole lot of shopping today. I bought a bag of dog food. That reminds me I should text J and see if he’ll feed the dog before he comes to bed. Lol. I’m in bed already so I can’t do it. Anywho….. I bought a hot pink lightening cord for my iPad. A thing of cookies, 5 bottles of nail polish and.. Something I can’t say because it’s a gift for someone.

J and I are both off tomorrow. He’s taking Saturdays off every week from now on so that we have a day off together and can work on cleaning the house, packing the house and the worst one of all… Fixing the house. Cause we have broke the hell out of this house. I must have made an impression last night because he told me today about something else to try to remove the odors and stains in the carpet. He said pour vinegar and lots of baking soda but leave it all there for 2 days and then you’ll see the baking soda turn colors from absorbing the stains. I hope so. I think I can try it tomorrow because I think we have some already. We’d have to buy giant sizes of both if it works but we can try it and see what happens on Monday or Tuesday.

Well I think it’s time to sleep.

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Work is over.

I am home and in bed. Aw man, I forgot to pour out my monster. It’s sitting on the cosmetics counter. And the AC was off all day since we weren’t home and so the animal odors are stronger right now in the house. And I can smell it in the bedroom. I hate the smell!!!!!!!!!! J said tonight I don’t do anything to make it better. I asked him what am I supposed to do, rip the carpet up? I would if I could. I told him I would get rid of the pets if I could. I always said when I lived alone if I had a pet that went to the bathroom all over the house, I wouldn’t keep them. And I have tried. I have cleaned up after the dog immediately and have cleaned the litter box daily but I get tired of doing those all the time and being the only one. I’ve cleaned the carpet so many times and it’ll help but only if I spend forever on one little spot. And it’s the entire living and dining room plus the master bedroom hallway. My back starts to hurt after about an hour of sitting on the floor with the steam cleaner. We’ve rented a Publix steamer and had Stanley cleaners here and they helped but not enough and the smell didn’t go away completely. And I’m sure if we had had Stanley cleaners here two or three times that it would have made a huge difference but they were here once and then what happens? The dog goes right back to doing it again and I’m sure the cat too. So then the other thing I’ve done is I’ve moved furniture around to cover up the empty floor space and then when the dog started going in new spots, I put cardboard all over the room. I am living like an insane person but it drives me even more insane otherwise. We have two months left and I don’t know even know what to do. I told J that when it comes time for the walk through I won’t be here. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to deal with them and the bad news.

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggg. So frustrated about this.

I don’t take thanksgiving off.

I will write blog posts for Thursday. I will paint my nails for it and take photos all day and put the photos up on the blog on Thursday. I hate when we’re not able to work and have off the same holiday. I want to spend the whole day of thanksgiving with J and I would have liked to have invited my dad over. We don’t have any family left over there so he’s going to be alone for the holidays this year. J works 8-6 on Christmas and I’ll be at home packing and crying. New Years? No idea yet but I think we’re going to both be off. And he’ll work a half day for his birthday.

I hate struggling with depression and sometimes the holidays bring out the depression even more. I hate the thought so much of my dad being alone.

Painted my nails.

I painted them a really pretty blue color last night and liked it. But I decided I wanted to try some nail art type stuff tonight. So I painted them a light metallic copper color as a base. Then I did a metallic green on half the nail. And I kind of liked how it looked but I was like I need a stripe of metallic purple down the middle. So I did on one nail but then it was too much metallic and so I did red on 2 nails and did a red tip on my thumb then I was trying to do red dots on the copper side. Then I took some glitter and tried it on two of the nails. And omg my right hand is all sorts of messed up. I didn’t do anything on my left hand well except the green and copper. I’ll be taking all this off tomorrow for sure. I’m not sure what I’ll try tomorrow.

I worked four hours today. It was okay. I just did cough/cold totes. I’m off tomorrow so hopefully I get stuff done around the house. I finally feel normal so I don’t have an excuse to not clean.

I need to get in packing mode though and I’m not. I started packing early last year and we ended up not even moving. I have no idea how we’re even going to be able to afford to move into a place. We have no money saved. I’ll probably end up asking my dad if I can borrow some money. 😦

I don’t know what’s going to happen either with our security deposit. We probably won’t get anything back because of the carpet. $700 security deposit gone. $300 dog deposit gone. $150 cat deposit gone. Sucks sucks sucks. I’m not even sure if it’s possible to get the pet deposit back or not. I know we could get the $700 back but don’t know if they said the cat fee was a refundable deposit or not. And we only paid the dog one this year so no idea. But I’m not counting on getting any of that back.

I work 4-11 (maybe) Thursday and 10-6 Friday. I’m off Saturday. I work 8-4 Sunday, 2-11 Monday and Tuesday. Then I’m off for 4 days. Which is nice but still weird. I’m supposed to also close on Thursdays but I have an appointment Thursday and had asked for the day off but it was denied by the system so I wrote a note Monday saying that and instead of scheduling me for a different day he just gave me the rest of the week off and so now I’m going to be under 30 hours.

While my dad was here we went to Michael’s and Joann’s and I bought this pack of 3 small metal skeleton keys at Michael’s. And there was a different pack that had I think 8 keys but they were all bigger and they each had a word like laugh, love, some other feel good word. Then I realized that the key I bought in Alaska had to have come from this set and that the store probably bought them and separated them and put them all loose in a basket and sold them individually. I also bought some rolls of life savers there. At Joann’s I bought a bottle of white, pink and teal paint. A antique key stamp which was also at Michael’s but I put it back and then at Joann’s I decided to get it after all. Only downside was it was 30% off Joann’s and 40% at Michael’s. Then I got a foam paintbrush and I got a nail polish bottle ornament. My dad paid for the stuff from Joann’s. He said he had come here intending to spend money on me so he must pay for something. Lol.

I hope that wherever we move to has an area where I can do DIY projects. Right now I just stand at my bookcase and paint something or mod podge and glitter something. But I only do it for like five minutes and I set it down to let it dry and I don’t come back to it for a week or a month or more. I’ve been trying to mod podge some glitter on an iPad charger I bought at my store for like 3 months! I think I’m almost done with it now though. I need to see if the glitter is even all around and then top coat the heck out of it so that the glitter is smooth. I put silver glitter on a white iPhone charger but I “loaned” my dad my iPod and gave him that charger. I really liked how it turned out and I’ve been wanting to do it again. So I finally bought a hot pink dual charger and have been putting purple glitter on it. I want to buy a white one and put blue glitter on it I think. I also have this heart cardboard container that I’m trying to paint but again, I don’t have a place to sit so I stand there. It originally had candles in it and the container was nice enough to keep so I did. The candles are gone by now too but the container is still with me! I had painted silver glitter paint or nail polish on the edge of the lid a few years ago (okay, more like 5) and then the other day I had the great idea to paint the lid a solid color. I looked at the craft paint I had and decided metallic blue was my choice. Well I don’t like it at all. I used a regular paint brush on it so it has streaks which is why I bought the foam brush. And I bought the white paint because I’m going to try to paint it white. It’ll probably take like a million coats. Sigh.

So what else is going on in my world? I don’t know really. Since I have 4 days off in a row next week I’m going to try to do so much cleaning and so much packing. And cleaning. And more packing. I have my appointment with my rheumatologist on Wednesday in the afternoon. J opens and he probably won’t be able to get out of work early enough to take me. I was going to cancel but out of the THREE doctor appointments I have next month, he’s the one appointment I want to keep. I told J today that I would just drive there. Thursday though he’s taking me to the neurologist’s office for the EEG. That’s at 10am and I have no idea how long it’ll last but it says awake and drowsy so I don’t know if they’re going to call me the day before and say that I need to wake up really early or stay awake all night or if they give me medicine to make me drowsy but not fall asleep.

This one employee that I work with is always complaining to me about deliveries and she’s complained about it I think every day she’s seen me since I’ve been back. She complains that they don’t tell her ahead of time that she’s going to be doing the deliveries that day. Which is also S’s complaint too. I told S and A (the employee who complains everyday) that they’re going to be doing them everyday until I’m able to drive again. I told them that it could be until the 20th or 6 months. A complains about where she’s going and how many places she has to go to. She complains about the new rules at CH (well I do too though lol). Yesterday I told her how long I can’t drive and she’s like I have to do these for HOW long. Today she was asking what time I was going home today and I told here whenever our store manager was leaving. And she asked why was that, I told her cause he was my ride home and she said she was starting to feel sad for me. Really? Now you are? I just wanted to say a bunch of stuff to her and just walk away. I’m really getting to that point. If she complains to me one more time I’ll go off on her. I’m sorry I’m inconveniencing everyone but it’s not easy for me either. I have to find a ride every day to/from work. J and I have to adjust our schedules when we can. He had to switch his shifts next Thursday to be able to take me for the EEG. He doesn’t want me to drive on Wednesday but what else can I do?! Oh and I told A that I was going to be closing a few nights a week now and she was worried that it would effect her schedule. That her hours or other peoples hours would be cut. No ones hours will be cut because I’m closing. Someone just might have their schedule altered from what it is usually but Jesus Christ, does she think I’m enjoying any part of this?!?!?! And her schedule was not effected by me closing 2 days next week btw.

I need to go, this post is way too long. I need to go on blogger next and post some photos. The LJ app is wonderful. WordPress app is great at looking at the stats and is good at writing a post but I can’t put pictures in the middle of my post like I can with LJ or even with blogger. I can’t see stats with the blogger app though. And it’s okay with writing and putting in pictures. So I use all 3.

Yeah, stuff and words.

Once again I’m so creative with subjects. If you were to look at the 1,826 journal entries I have on LJ there would be a lot of subjects that are non creative. I use a lot of “stuff”s, “blah”s, and “sigh”s. My shoulder still really really really hurts. I gotta go. I wanted to post more. I wanted to post pictures on blogger but that’s gotta all wait.

Cross posted from velvetfrogg.blogspot.com

I don’t know why I need so many blogs. But I do!!!!! Here’s the big medicinal story from 2013. I just want to remember these things.

My thoughts wander to that night of my “episode” and if I think about it too hard, I cry. I cry because I remember coming out of it and seeing J standing over me and talking on the phone. I remember his words. He was begging me not to move and he explained to me what had happened. I tried talking and I remember being so confused by what he was saying. I had a what? I couldn’t believe it. I remember how concerned he was and the look in his eyes. He told me the paramedics were on their way and that I couldn’t move until they got there. I was so scared. I just sat/laid there afraid to move. I didn’t quite understand what had happened to me yet. He was answering questions on the phone. Lots of yes and no’s. Yes, I was awake now? Yes I was breathing? No, I didn’t know what had happened? I can’t quite remember all the answers he was giving. He got off the phone. He told me they were on their way (he had to say it several times). He said he had to put the dog away, turn the outside lights on and unlock the front door and that he would be quick. He begged me not to move, to just stay how I was and he’d be right back. He ran through the house, doing everything and when he was done putting the dog away, they got there I think? It was quick. I was so afraid to move. I didn’t even move my hands. I just looked around the room trying to figure out what happened, what was going on. The paramedics knocked and he let them in and led them to me. I think 3 came in immediately and then a few more showed up. There was a woman and 2 men at first. Then I think it was 2, maybe 3 more men showed up. It seemed like once one was inside, everyone else just was walking into the house. J was there by my side. The paramedics were asking me questions and some of them I couldn’t answer. My mind was messed up. I couldn’t quite remember all my prescriptions or what the strengths and doses were. J had to go and get the bottles. I do remember saying that the only thing I had taken that night was tramadol and that yes, yes, yes I had a prescription for it. I remember explaining a few times that I do take an anti seizure medicine but that I do not take it for that purpose. I take it to help me sleep and that I hadn’t taken it that night. J had to answer a lot of questions for me. They tested my blood sugar there and said it was fine. So unlikely it was related to low blood sugar, diabetes. My heart rate was too fast and they recommended I go to the hospital. They told me it was my choice, that I didn’t have to go. I said yes, I want to go. I said this was really scary and that I wanted to know why it happened. I walked through the house to the front entry where the stretcher was. Everyone had to help me. I needed help getting on the stretcher too. And they wheeled me out of the house and down the driveway and into the back of the ambulance. I didn’t care that I was wearing short shorts and a giant t shirt that made it seem like I wasn’t wearing shorts. I didn’t care that I was bra less. Normally, I would be very concerned about these things.

I got an IV put in me on the way to the hospital. I was there for a total of 7 hours. They didn’t find anything wrong.

So now I am going through more “tests” to see if anything shows up.

I started this whole story to say I love J and how he handled it and how he was concerned yet tried to stay calm for my sake. I love that he checks on me now and goes to bed when I go to bed. We used to just go to bed at random times. We didn’t always even sleep in the same room. Now? He has to be near me. I don’t like being alone. If he’s home, I almost always leave the tv room door open. In the first 48 hours or so after it happened, I just wanted to SLEEP and I did. We slept in the bed. We were in the living room and slept on two different couches. Maybe I did most of the sleeping in other rooms though. I was drolling a lot then too in my sleep. At one point he woke me up while I was sleeping on the couch in the living room cause he wanted to make sure I was breathing. We were in his tv room and I wanted to sleep some more. He sat there and I laid on the couch and slept for about 2 hours. I don’t know how I was even able to sleep on the couches with the tv going.

My right shoulder still fucking hurts. A lot. Some of the pain has improved but the pain that is in the shoulder blade/back area is getting worse? And every time I move my arm it hurts. Things that aren’t even putting a lot of pressure on it causes pain. Opening a car door with my right hand causes pain in my shoulder. J is sleeping on my right side and for me to reach over send touch him causes pain in my right shoulder. It’s so frustrated cause it’s not the bone. I had X-rays and they were fine. If the shoulder pain doesn’t improve, I would probably need an MRI of it. Sigh.

2012 was an awesome year. I got engaged and went to Alaska.

2013 though? Might be my worst year ever. My purse was stolen from my car in the driveway. The person stole a bottle of tramadol too (but now who cares about that one). My passport was in there. I really liked my wallet. I now have a new purse and wallet so it’s okay (sort of). I had to renew my license anyways that month so I guess that was okay? Though my new picture is horrible looking. My head is tilted.

I’ve been to the doctor several times. I think this was the year I had to go and try to get my ears cleaned. I went while my ears were clogged and I had a bump in my nose. She gave me oral antibiotics and an ointment for my nose and said they couldn’t clean my ears at IMA. So a few weeks later when I was finished with the antibiotics and the bump cleared up, I went somewhere else and had my ears cleaned. Oh it was this year, I remember I told them to charge it to my HRA account. I had $500 that was free from Walgreens. I think I got my teeth cleaned in May or April and she would have done X-rays for that (but it could have been last year too though).

I had to go to the doctors twice for my Brazilian pepper rash. Cause yeah I’m allergic. I had to get two packs of cortisteroids, a cortisteroid shot and more oral antibiotics. This time for my arm because it looked like I scratched it so hard I caused my arm to get infected.

I got new glasses in the spring time too. That was good, cause most of it was free through my insurance. I tried to get them to have the rest paid by my HRA but they didn’t understand.

I had blood work done. I saw a new primary care position. I saw my rheumatologist a few times. I had to go back to the IMA clinic because of my back. It was so sore that I could barely doing anything. Got pills and I improved. Went back to rheumatologist and was like heeeeey. He said jhe could give me a
corticosteroid injection. So he did. And more of the pills the other lady gave me.

And now here we are.

I am going to cross post the last part of this (well the big long medical stuff).

Good night. I am sleepy. But I want to sleep like 12 hours but I have to be at work at 9. And J forgot my doughnuts today. I wonder if he forgot or just didn’t want to stop. But it was his idea!!! Lol. I didn’t saw anything.

Okay, falling asleep here!!! Good night or good morning.

****and good night for real bc my meds are kicking in and I am making too mistakes. ****