I’m being OCD.

I don’t like it. Sometimes I am okay and other times I have to do everything a specific way and I obsess over it being a specific way. Like just now I looked for a specific pen to use. It wasn’t in my pen container by my bed. I had to have that pen. I was like eh, I just won’t write a post it note for myself. I knew where the pen was and I didn’t want to get up. And since I had to have that pen, I tried to tell myself to not write the note, I can get the pen tomorrow. But I already had the thought of THAT pen in my head and so I had to get up and get it. I got the pen and came back in the bedroom. And I didn’t write my post it note. I was okay with not writing it. I could let that go. But I couldn’t let go of the thought of getting up and getting that specific pen tonight. I had to do it.

There are just certain days where that happens. I’m not that OCD all the time or about everything. It always changes too. It’s never the same thing. Like the next time my OCD day is here, I could have the same thoughts about the pen but might be able to not get it. And I could end up being OCD about writing the post it not. It’s sort of an annoying thing.

I’m also pretty anxious about my doctor appointment on the 9th. I want to see my X-rays. I want to know if my hip was X-ray’d at all and if so, does it show my hip being out of place. The more and more I think about how my left hip stuck out further than the right, the more and more it reminds me of my elbow sticking out of as far as it did. It reminds me of that day. I was 12 years old and that was over 15 years ago and yet there is so much about that day that I remember.

I don’t feel like typing on the iPad anymore. Good night world.

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